Moving to blogger.com

Many of my work colleagues have been getting a kick out of my blog, and some have even suggested I share it with the world. So, now I've taken the plunge and moved my blog from MSN Spaces to Blogger.com. under the title "parentingfun".

Goodbye MSN Spaces - you have served me well.

Now for an exercise in cut and paste :-)

That's NOT how you clean the toilet!!!!

Originally Published June 14, 2005.

We found a box of soap bars and our hair brush in the toilet tonight. Ben was trying to help with the house cleaning by cleaning the toilet for us.
C'est La Vive.

No seriously, why does the oven stink?

Originally Posted June 8, 2005

Cooking fish and chips tonight and Lynda says she really needs to clean the oven. "It's really starting to stink".

Turns out we found a little pile of incinerated chop sticks at the bottom of the oven.

Parenting lesson number 1287: When turning the oven on, remember to firstly check that your 2 year old son hasn't been using it as a little hidey spot for his toys. :-)

Daddy's Home

Originally published June 1, 2005

When your kids are young you get great satisfaction as a dad from coming home and hearing "Daddy's home" and being greeted by your kids. Then I sing Zippedy Doo Dah and a blue cartoon bird comes and sits on my shoulder.

Tonight I get...

"Thank God your home. Here... he's wet. They've wrecked the house. Yada yada yada..."

Damn. Back to reality.
When's the next product launch again? :-)

Puke is NOT Pukka

Originally Published May 13, 2005

So the family has settled into a night of television watching Jamie Oliver's new live cooking show. (It's quite a good show by the way. You should watch it).

Melanie starts staring at the floor for 30 seconds or so.

Lynda asks.... "You're not going to puke are you?"
(Hmm.... what do you think happens next?).

On queue, Melanie vomits her chocolate milk on the rug. There's only one piece of carpet in the entire house. Lucky for us she chose to vomit on it (the rug in front of the television).

So a bucket of water and a bit of scrubbing later, we settle back in just to watch the end of the show.

Kids!

What smells of Sh*t?

Originally Published May 10, 2005.

It was Sunday night. The kids had gone to bed. So Lynda and I were lying in bed watching television.

Then I ask the question.... "What smells of Sh*t?"

--C E N S O R E D--

So then we spent the next half hour cleaning before going back to bed emotionally scarred by the experience.

Use your imagination for the censored bit. (Or better still don't).

Daddy will be upset with Ben!

Originally Published May 5, 2005.

I got home tonight to the sounds of Lynda saying "Daddy will be upset with Ben!". Hmmm I wondered. What is Lynda aluding to?

On the weekend, I repainted the doorway in the kitchen. (I had the enamel paint out because I have been painting the renovated rooms in the house).

Well it seems Ben took to the doorway with a screwdriver today and has managed to scrape the enamel paint off.

Apparently he was trying to "help" daddy.

What can you do? :-)

I'll just have to paint it again this weekend.

I piss on you..... and your couch.

Originally posted April 30, 2005

Minor incident really...

Ben's reached the age where he's not wanting to wear his nappy lately. So he's standing in frontof the TV last night with his shorts and nappy off.

I say to Lynda... Better get a nappy on him before he makes a mess of the rug.

Just then, Ben stop watching television and comes over to me. (I'm lying on the couch). He jumps up on me and gives me a big hug.

Oh... What a nice boy. Giving daddy a hug.
It's NOW that he decides to relieve himself. On me and the couch.

Cleaned me up. Cleaned him up (put a nappy on this time). Cleaned the couch up. Went back to watching television.

Lucky the couch is leather and wipes off. :-)

It's no fun when it happens to you :-(

Originally posted April 27, 2005

Well last night and today was Lynda's and my turn. Both really sick. (Details not suitable for publication) :-(

We're just one big sick family at the moment.

Oh well it should give Arash somethng to laugh at. :->

The Adventures of Vomit Boy

Originally Posted April 26 2005

So picture this...

Saturday night. Lynda's prepared a nice roast chicken.

I've gone to the kitchen added some chicken, some salad and a bread roll to my plate and gone to sit down.

As I'm opening a bottle of wine, Ben takes his first mouthful of sausage. (Kids get sausages. They don't eat nice stuff).

Just then, Ben chokes on his sausage and gags. His reflex response is to vomit ALL OVER THE BLOODY DINNER TABLE.

Now he had just had a bottle , so picture the Exorcist spewing a 30 second vomit all over the nice meal you were about to eat.

My meal, Ben's and Melanie's copped it. (Lynda has not put hers on the table yet).

So, choosing not to eat a side of vomit with my chicken, I scraped all meals into the bin, cleaned up the mess with a couple of towels and then started preparing dinner again.

Ah, the joys of parenting.
Lee :-)

Same Sh*t different child

Originally Posted April 22, 2005

Vomit night number 2.

Different night, different child. Ben's turn to throw up all night now. Every 20 minutes.

Gastric.

Staying up trying to complete Business Cases. Not going to get any sleep tonight anyway! Might as well try and do somethign useful.

Need Sleep

Original Post 20 April 2005

Need sleep. Vomiting children suck the life force out of you.

Laquering the floor

Originally published March 27, 2005

Short story this one.

I spent the Easter long weekend preparing and laquering the floor in the renovated part of the house.

Easter Saturday: 12 hours of sanding the floor.Easter Sunday: Three coats of sealer and more sanding (about 6 hours).

The floor looked awesome and it wasn't even finished yet.Easter Monday: Time for the good bit... the lacquering..

I've stirred the can of lacquer ($180 a can), had a complete brain fart and thought I would leave it on the floor while I run downstairs and grab a brush. 30 seconds later I return to find Ben with one leg completely in the can of laquer and he's about to insert the other leg.

I ripped him out of the can. "Aargh!!! You stupid boy!!! I Yelled. "Lynda!!!! I shouted" "Here... you clean him. The floor's ruined"!!!

I started spreading the lacquer he had spilt all over the floor.

In the end Lynda cleaned him up okay.

I had to spend another hour between the first and second coats hand sanding all the bubbles out of the floor though.

Lesson: Lee = stupid.

The Glue Story

Originally Published March 10, 2005.

Lynda's gone downstairs to hang some clothes on the line. Leaving me in charge. (In hindsight, this was the first mistake). Rather than supervise and play with the kids, I was out on the front verandah playing on my conputer.

Then I heard the screaching.... "Oh Shit!" "Lee!!!!!!" (Oh man I knew I was in trouble).

I walk into the kitchen and see a white stain on the floor. (I assumed spilt milk and wondered what all the fuss was about).

Then as I continued to enter the room, I see Ben on the kitchen table physically stuck to the table cloth. He was frantically trying to separate himself from the table cloth but was only making it worse. (In hindsight, this was the funniest image of the event).

• Some background: I bought PVA glue that morning from Bunnings to fix a chair. Melanie had got it down off the window sill, unscrewed the lid and begun to paint the kitchen with it.

There was glue everywhere... on the floor, on the table, on every kitchen cupboard door, all over Melanie and ben, around Ben's mouth (he'd been eating it) and of course all through their hair.

My response to seeing this mess was to exclaim the imortal words.... "Oh F*&k!". Two words which Melanie immediately repeated :-(

I grabbed the bottle, read it. It was non toxic (Wheh! Huge sigh of relief).

I hand the kids to Lynda "Here you clean them, I clean the house".

Lynda drags them into the bathroom and proceeds to bath and scrub them for the next half hour.

I scramble and grab old nappies and begin to wipe it up, mop the kitchen floor etc.
Thinking I had got it all, I went into the Lounge. to discover they've put glue all over the leather couches.

"Shit, Shit, Shit!!!!" (Stress levels through the roof now).

Not the couches.!!!!! (Remember I've discovered this 15 minutes later. The glue's beginning to dry).

It was a race against time...More towels. 30 minutes and lots of spray and wipe and finally it all came off.

The lesson here... Don't store glue in the house.

Start of original blog

This article was originally posted 1 March 2005.

Well today I started my blog. Lets see whether I can type anything meaningful here.

Insert meaningless emoticon here... :-)